My train whizzes past barren lands and lonely villages as we move with rapid speed towards Bombay. I sit beside my colleague in the train’s first class coach enjoying the cool rainy weather. As I contently sit reading One fifth Avenue by Candance Bushnell, I look back on how my life has changed all these years. I have never felt so satisfied with my life before. I am so happy with what I have and I am.
My past life has been spent looking for happiness. Looking for satisfaction. Searching for the real me. I have fallen too many times. Disappointed too many times to try again. I don’t remember trying hard to get what I have today. Maybe I did, I just don’t realize it. I have spent years of loneliness, betrayal and disappointments. That was my hard work, my efforts. I only dreamt of a perfect life. Didn’t think I would ever achieve it. Well, I did. Its all around me today.
I remember giving a listening ear and some wise advice to very young, fresh-out-of-college colleagues facing problems in their budding relationship. They relied on me. Came running to me because they were in so much distress. Especially the girl. And I told her – I have made mistakes in the past. I don’t think there’s anything that can happen to me now. But I hope to help others so that they learn from my mistakes. Need any advice – come to me. I have all the past experience a 20-something can need today!
I didn’t know whether to pity myself or feel proud of my learnings. Ok, I’m wiser today. At what cost? I have lost people, time, my innocence, my happiness in the process. Things I’m never going to get back.
I feel overwhelmed by my rewards – friends, family, learnings and experiences. Its not that I go through no difficulties today. I do. Only, its easier taking them in my stride. Obstacles don’t look big enough. If they do, the way forward is quite clear. I have earned money and spent it. I have seen dreams and seen them shattering. I have earned friends and lost love. I know I have people who love me and will be there for me whenever I need them. But I also realize that I am still on my own in my journey of life. I have to get up on my own, after I fall.
Over years, I have developed passions and hobbies (and I am still evolving). Things I can do on my own without depending on anyone. These activities interest me and I strive to excel in them. I traveled a bit around the world and saw that the world consists of much more than just regretting and cribbing about things. There’s a lot to see and do. There’s a lot of untapped potential within me to be let out in the open.
This has given me a direction in life. A goal. A motive. And maybe that’s why I feel so content.