Though I have a to-do list in which more items are getting added than getting cut off, I decided to write today. Write a lot; write whatever thoughts and garbage are there on my mind. I spend my entire time sitting in one chair in front of the computer in a sickly cold office, unable to write down my thoughts because of work. And when I go home and open a Word document to write, I am blank. My mind is blank and the opened Word document remains blank.
I do not like HR and I definitely do not like working in Corporate. Jail, I call it. We live like robots for almost 12 hours per day. We get ready and wear clothes that would be acceptable in a manufacturing set up, walk in a line (because the road is narrow) towards our buses. Sit down quietly for 40 minutes, dreading the day ahead. Again walk in a line through the gate, showing our I-cards to the guards, walk towards the punch machine on the marked lines. Every day, we first go to the canteen, stand in a queue to take food, punch our cards, eat and come to our places to sit continuously for 8 or more hours. After lunch, we look impatiently at the computer clock, waiting for 5:45 pm, which is our time to get out of hell.
I do not like to live by so many rules (who does?) – rules of time, place, actions, clothes. I want to do things I like doing. I want to do things when I want to do them. Not that I want to be idle and wile away my time. I want to sit for 8 hours in this chair only because I want to. I am not using any of my skills, interests and talents when I am spending my days in this office. This job does not involve creativity. It involves excel sheets, phone calls and bickering with people. The reason why I face a writer’s block everyday is because after spending the whole day among excel sheets and numbers, my creativity goes into hiding.
When I see people around me, I don’t think I fit in with them. Most of them are into Corporate because they don’t see anything beyond it. They do not know that there are other things that can be done. Many of them are stuck here because they could not make their dreams come true (I am one of them). And many of them are here because they don’t know what they wanted to do. (I am in this category too. I realized very late what I really enjoy doing but I am neck deep in Corporate already).
I regularly have friction and ego clashes with my colleagues. Tactics like shifting blame on each other, acting illogical because of ego and the like leave me frustrated, bitter and helpless. It’s not that if I really get into a creative line like designing or travel guide, I won’t face any issues. But maybe I will be more driven to fight them. Here, I don’t really want to put up any fight as I find it totally worthless.
Obviously, if I am holding this job, I will have to do fulfil all responsibilities that have been given to me and I cannot put the blame on anyone / anything. It’s me who has to deal with it – either by liking this job or by finding something that I would love doing. I do believe some day I will be out of this jungle. I would be freelancing in a field of my liking.