I am not a religious person. Not an atheist either. I am just not the type who would visit temples, believe in a certain God or fast on festivals. I do not know much about festivals or religious procedures either; am quite ignorant when it comes to religion. But at times, I like going to temples just because I find the pooja area pretty – especially the decorated, bejewelled deity, the soothing incense fragrance and the general quiet. I visited our society Ganpati aarti today. I was just drawn towards it. Orange and green lights led me to the pooja pandal and there sat the most beautiful and serene Ganeshji idol dressed in yellow. The whole area was magical. I stood among the crowd, soaking in the lovely aroma and absorbing God’s power. I felt at peace. I let myself loosen up and free my mind of negative scrap.
At this stage of my life, I need strength. And peace and empowerment. Not so much blessings but I was looking for strength to hold myself straight in all situations while maintaining my dignity and ethics.
One of the reasons I never chanted God’s name all the time was I always feel it is me who has to handle situations. It is me who has to fight my battle based on my own capability. It is me who makes mistakes and has to cope up with them. I cannot depend on someone stronger or imaginary, like God, to take care of me. All I can do is ask God for strength.
And that is what I did today.
I am happier nowadays. Not because I am suddenly happy with the turn of events but because I have decided to take back charge of my life. I may be scared or unhappy with what is happening with me but I cannot just sit and watch my life go by – getting handled by others. My life is my own and I will dictate it. I am slowly building faith in myself. Yes, new things are happening in my life and I haven’t gone through these before. But I will surely be able to handle them ably. I will learn to.
Of course, this would not have been possible without my fantastic friends, who are angels of my life. They showed me the way, brought me out of slump. Going forward, I know my friends will always hold me up.
Being at peace with myself is so much better. Issues at work do not hassle me. My productivity is perhaps better. I sing on my own while driving instead of glaring at or hurling abuses at other drivers. Of course, I continue to get irritated by lousy drivers but I am not spewing venom either. I am attacking each pending task and fighting procrastination valiantly. I have started going out instead of hiding myself inside my house along with multiple worries. I am reading, writing, dressing well and photographing again.
My old self is back again. Hooray!