Every morning I wake up and see my mother towering over my bed throwing questions – Have you selected the songs for Sangeet? Have you booked the parlour? Have you compiled the bangles? What about the song that you are going to sing? My father follows – You haven’t packed cards for your friends yet. You haven’t given me their travel schedule. And have you spoken to the event management guys?
I try to shake away the feeling of dread along with the duvet and spring up, ready for day’s action.
Whoever said the bride-to-be is pampered and expected to rest like a queen has been misleading unsuspecting girls to believing that their wedding is going to be a glamorous sort of an event. Because it is actually far from it.
Wedding preparations involve running from pillar to post getting dresses made, finalizing events, co-ordinating guests’ visits, distributing cards, fighting over little things and basically going crazy.
That’s how I am now – hyper, crazy, confused and lost.
Despite the wedding jitters and the whole walking into unknown thing, I mechanically throw myself into preparations. The past 10 days have been super-busy. I cleared my study table, set my laptop and phone on it and have been diligently working from 10 to 5. I have not had time to eat and chat with friends. Visiting saloons for beautification is out of question. (Now I know why brides manage to look beautiful. It’s just modern make-up deceiving eyes). I’d rather settle with a book and a blanket.
And there are those moments when there is no work to occupy my mind. That’s when uneasiness makes its smug entrance and decides to create some chaos. Since the last couple of days, I have barely been eating. 4 days, I counted, left for the wedding functions to begin. Of course, I try and put up the best show I can. After all, I am the bride-to-be. And a wedding is all about show.
When I was younger, I used to be in awe of brides and bride-to-be’s. I thought they were made of another material altogether. They always looked beautiful to me. And happy. And grown up and serene. I don’t feel any of it. I don’t even feel like a bride-to-be. I’d rather be an ordinary company employee that I used to be.
Tired of thinking and over-thinking, I just wait for nightfall so that I can go off to sleep and not think for a while. Little do I realize that as nights pass, days fly too.
My bittersweet world 